Full disclosure: I’m about to run my mouth.
Unexpectedly, I went on a three-month hiatus from Shyann These Days. “Hi guys, welcome back to my blog!” *my YouTube voice. I miss you all, and I hope you missed me too. A lot of random things happened during this time so I have a lot to say, so get comfortable, I’m about to tell all my business. (Just kidding, haha.)
It took me awhile to actually jump back into blogging because I was unmotivated and just confused about life, yet again. I felt like I had nothing of quality to give to you. Once I realized that July was approaching, I was like let me stop playing, it’s about to be Christmas soon. Time is flying and that is the main thing that worries me and it’s the main thing that I am working on changing. I want to completely change my mindset about time.
A common theme in my bad days is feeling anxious about where I am in life. Around my twenty-third birthday a couple of weeks ago, I kept having thoughts like this: “OMG, it’s June and I haven’t *inserts a goal I have more than enough time to accomplish* yet!” One day after meditating, my self-talk came through and completely got me together. Shyann told Shyann that basically every day is happening and you’re going to miss out on blessings and messages because you’re too busy stressing over why your life isn’t perfect yet. Life is never going to be perfect, new levels come with new problems, the way you deal with these problems is up to you. So, relax.
“The more you are focused on time, past and future, the more you miss the NOW, the most precious thing there is. “
During these past months, I started having bad thoughts again. I got super stressed, and it really affected my body to the point where my hair fell out. I left LA to go home for a week but ended up staying in Cleveland for two months. I started to become really indecisive about life. I didn’t want to come back to LA but I also didn’t want to stay in Cleveland. When toxic thoughts come, you forget your intentions. I started to let uncertainty overpower me, I also let a lot of outside forces influence my thoughts. After my birthday, I committed to a digital detox for two weeks. I deleted all my social media apps, turned my phone on airplane mode and only called/texted back if absolutely necessary. I worked, finished two books, made a bunch of lists and attempted to go to the gym every morning. Some days I made it, some days I didn’t.
Overall, this detox brought me so much clarity that I needed. I realized I was distracted by others opinions and needed to just go with the flow of life. Going with the flow of life sounds risky but we create so much structure in our life that when things don’t go our way there’s a panic. I’d rather go with the flow than to constantly panic about things not going my way.
Going with the flow led me back to LA spontaneously. I didn’t start my week with plans on going back to LA but an opportunity that felt right led me to book a flight the day before departing. I had already started receiving strong signals from the universe before the news but I received even more after. I won’t get into full details, but these are the main ones I can share: I should have missed my flight. My flight was at 5:35 PM, I arrived at the airport at 4:45 PM. I had until 4:50 PM to check-in. I checked-in at 4:49 PM. The TSA line was almost out of the door, luckily a kind girl who worked at the airport hurried to check me in and took me to the top of the line. It was a stressful situation. I was a mess and would have been a mess if I missed that flight but then I worried and wondered was I supposed to miss that flight? The next morning, I woke up at 4:44 AM, all of my notifications were 4s. I had 4 IG notifications, 4 new messages, and 44 missed calls/voicemails (some were old, no one was blowing my phone up all night). Seeing this led me to look it up because I’m not about to play. I got goosebumps.
This is what Google told me: 1) You are on the path of awakening 2) You are fully supported in your life journey 3) You are on the right path 4) You are in harmony with the universe 5) Listen To Your Intuition
In other words, 444 is your messenger telling you to have faith and be confident that things are going in the right direction in your life. 4th Meaning of 444: You Are in Harmony with the Universe. Whenever you’re seeing 444, the angels tell you that you’re resonating with the Universe in perfect synchronicity. – via willowsoul.com
In that very moment, after I read that, I felt like Santiago, the Shepherd boy in The Alchemist as he was on a journey to finding his personal legend. This put me at ease because my anxiety was at an all-time high. I trust this and I trust God. And Lebron is coming to LA, so yeah this is right haha. I am happy that I spent that time in Cleveland, I needed it. I am still having those indecisive thoughts but right now I am committed to just going with the flow. I am tired of being hard on myself because I don’t like where I’m at. I’m beyond blessed to be where I am. I just need to believe this and be confident in myself. So this summer and the rest of the year I am working on my self-confidence.
Side note: I told you all I was about to run my mouth.
Before I bore you too much, let’s talk about summer. So we are already in July, and we can’t let this summer fly without having enough poolside convos, after work rooftop parties, summer concerts, late night rides featuring Drake, we need to get all of summer feels. As Frank Ocean said, summer is not as long as it used to be, every day counts like crazy. So, let’s slow down and be present this summer. Let’s have our fun but also have a transformative self-care summer. Let’s get rid of toxic behaviors, clear out trauma, forgive ourselves, love ourselves and trust our intuition. (Read How To Live Your Best Life by Ebonee Davis via Teen Vogue). Let’s make this summer unforgettable and a summer of evolution and growth. And also remember not to take time so seriously.
Comment below and let me know what you are working to achieve during the 2nd quarter of the year!