Usually when I get the motivation to write a new post it is because I’m feeling inspired by something. Currently that something is my growth. I have been prioritizing my growth over everything to the point where if it isn’t adding to my self-evolution, I don’t want to participate in it. The last couple of months has been extremely uncomfortable, I had to go through some intense self-confrontation in order to process what was going on internally. Four months ago I was completely on edge having as many as 2-3 panic attacks a week, not sleeping at night and having the most self-destructive thoughts. So many nights I cried and prayed that this would pass, soon after I learned that anxiety doesn’t just go away on its own. It is truly a working progress that only you are responsible for. You are responsible for your thoughts, behaviors, choices…everything in your life. Once I started to hold myself accountable for all of the things I didn’t like in my life, things started changing for me. Growth requires accountability.
With this new growth, I have been realizing things about life left and right. I think that’s the most beautiful thing about growth is all the revelations that come along with it. (These aren’t new discoveries, just things that I finally understand.) The first thing that I have realized is that it is okay to be vulnerable, I have always been so guarded, not allowing myself to express my feelings. I came to realize that being vulnerable is necessary, I feel more present and connected in life. It has allowed me to have some of the most beautiful conversations about life that would of never occured if I didn’t open myself up to be vulnerable. I have people in my life that love and care about what I’m going through so to keep it to myself is pointless.
The second revelation that has helped me is focusing my energy in the present moment. Majority of the time our mind is replaying scenarios of the past or imagining the future, I am reading a really powerful book right now called The Power of Now. The book is helping me transform my thinking, I realized that my thoughts aren’t my reality and I am practicing how to become an observer of my mind and detach from negative thoughts. My entire mindset was inhibiting my growth because I was giving attention to negative thoughts that wasn’t real. This isn’t something that I’m going to master overnight but I realized how important and peaceful living in the present moment is. Once I finish the book and master mindfulness, I’ll be back to give you the summary.
The only thing that is ultimately real about your journey is the step that you are taking at this moment – Eckhart Tolle
Change is inevitable in this process. Two weeks ago I had to ask myself why I wasn’t living the life I want to live and what’s stopping me? For the first time in a long time I didn’t have any excuses to give myself. This reflection resulted in making a huge life decision (of what you will be learning about), and though I am excited, I am equally nervous but that’s okay. Life is uncertain, change is uncertain, I wish that I could look into the future and know that I am making the right decision but life isn’t that magical. If I put too much energy in worrying about the future, it would only create fear and I don’t need those distractions. The energy I have put in adjusting my focus and goals has made me a lot more confident. The biggest thing I realized during this journey is that my choices wasn’t aligned with my goals, I was too busy focusing on not being happy about where I was in life that I wasn’t putting in the actual work to get there. I would not be able to share this with you guys if I didn’t finally hold myself accountable for what I didn’t like in my life and realize all of the self-sabotage that I was doing. Pay attention to what the universe is telling you. Trust God’s plan. Make sure you have the right goals, the right goals will bring you motivation to push and challenge you. (I’m rambling.)
So, readers cheers to the good things and all the good things to come. Thank you for allowing me to share my journey with you all, I am not rewarding myself just yet because there is still plenty of work to be done but I want you all to make sure you are taking care of yourself. Growth is beautiful, make sure you all are putting in the work to evolve.
Feel free to comment or tweet me feedback @1ShyannS. What are some new things you are realizing about life?